Monday, January 11, 2016

The Silent War

Greetings and Happy New Year!

This post is my first one for the year 2016 and it's about something that I've been dealing with for a long time. I don't recall talking about this specifically, although I might have mentioned some things here and there that might have made reference to this topic. This, my readers, is The Silent War.

Have you ever felt like you've been targeted silently? No words were spoken, no notes, memos or general announcements at all... but you just know someone's out to "get you". Perhaps you caught a distant stare or a "generic" condescending comment, perhaps there was just something that triggered you to think that you're an "enemy" that must be dealt with. Now, all this sounds a little bit too dramatic but, isn't life a whole drama?

There are good people and there are bad people and then there are those who fall somewhat in between, the flaky ones, I call them. Does it make you a bad person if you hate someone? Does it make you a good person if you give money to the poor but only to look good in front of others? Where do you draw the line? I've noticed, throughout the years, that some people like to pretend that they're good people by doing "little deeds" that look like they are selfless but they have a darker motive behind them.

Are you following me yet? Here's an example:

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

On Tolerance and the Bordeline Ridiculous


Today I wanna talk about something dear to my heart and how it's affecting me on the daily: Tolerance. I know I must have touched on this subject already but I felt like it needed to be properly addressed. Let's define the concept first, shall we?

  1. "The ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with."
And what is "to tolerate"?

  1. "Allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference."
                                                                                                                         Source: Google Definition

Monday, August 17, 2015

That Scary Sense of Relief...


This time, it's kind of a happy post, if you will. Things have somewhat changed around here. Vibes are getting more positive and the air feels lighter and not as heavy as it had been feeling for months. An obstacle here and there but mainly a weird sense that things are gonna (and are) getting better. Relationships mending... Important steps being taken. I like it but I'm skeptical. Is it truly changing for good? Will this really be what I had been waiting for? Only time will tell but I'm hopeful. My heart has been so incredibly hurt, wounded, abused... It can't simply just not take more. 

Monday, August 3, 2015

Break Free


Have you ever felt like you can't fully express yourself? You know, that feeling of trying to hide who you truly are because those around you wouldn't understand... I'm at a point in my life where I truly want to express myself but due to my surroundings (people, places, situations) I feel imprisoned. One reading here, one burning of incense there... it just won't do. I need more. I need to breathe what I feel. I need to live what I believe and I need to finally break free.

Society is like a never ending parent who will not let you be who you truly want to be and will always remind you of how you're doing things "wrong". I know I'm old enough to just say "fuck it" but there's still this sense of disappointing someone that makes me feel guilty of even trying to practice my beliefs. I often find myself pondering... "What if?" It's so incredibly exhausting to be someone else in front of certain people and in certain places just because of that fear of what they would say or think. It's just that feeling of time passing by and me getting older and more afraid that I might never be truly who I'm meant to be. 

Friday, July 3, 2015

The Human Element


Today I feel like talking about something that I'm usually not very good at, and that is making friends. Ever since I graduated high school, I've found it extremely difficult to connect with someone on a friendship level. Perhaps it's because I didn't even understand myself fully, perhaps it's because I pushed people away because they were just the total opposite of me. So, basically I think it just comes down to me not being able to fraternize with people with extremely opposite personalities/beliefs than mine and I know that it sounds kinda weird because not everyone is the same but I just never ever clicked that way with anyone. NO ONE. 

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Forever Stuck on "Repeat".


It seems to me like people have a very hard time grasping the concept of "That's not what I want" or "That's not how I think". I've found myself explaining certain decisions in my life that aren't really no one elses business anyway, but somehow people loooove to chime in when I haven't even asked for an opinion. I get that people tend to talk "from experience" and sometimes they just want you to see how it turned out for them but... Guess what? I'm a completely different person. Shocking, right? O.o

It's almost as if whatever I decide or however I think, is wrong, only because society (and they) think differently. It's extremely uncomfortable and annoying when I'm just stuck there in the middle of a conversation and I have to listen to what they're saying because it's what's "socially accepted". I've NEVER been one to conform with what society says or what it dictates. I've always been my own individual who follows my instincts even if they're wrong. IT'S OK!!! People don't understand that I'm OK with making mistakes and learning from them, it's part of life. So what if I wanna change careers a million times? So what if I still haven't figured out what I want yet? Who says I have to? Who cares? It's my life. Period. I will do what I feel like is right for me and go from there, so leave me the hell alone.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

The Open Door


Uneasy. A little scared but excited at the same time. That's how I feel right now. For the past few weeks I've been experiencing some weird things, situations if you will, and it's not only with me but with other people. Somehow I've found myself either telling stories that pertain to "paranormal" experiences or people have just been talking to me about their experiences and asking me tons of questions about what I "practice". I use the term "practice" loosely because I really haven't been doing anything in particular but I guess something in me or my persona irradiates some kind of vibe that people find... intriguing.

I've been having way more dreams than I usually do and these dreams have been kind of predictions. I see myself in a specific setting with a specific object or interacting in a specific way and it ends up happening a few days or weeks later and I'm not talking about trivial things like "I had a dream about eating ice cream" and then going out to eat ice cream, I'm talking about detailed accounts with very specific objects or situations that are rare to come by in everyday life.