Monday, August 17, 2015

That Scary Sense of Relief...


This time, it's kind of a happy post, if you will. Things have somewhat changed around here. Vibes are getting more positive and the air feels lighter and not as heavy as it had been feeling for months. An obstacle here and there but mainly a weird sense that things are gonna (and are) getting better. Relationships mending... Important steps being taken. I like it but I'm skeptical. Is it truly changing for good? Will this really be what I had been waiting for? Only time will tell but I'm hopeful. My heart has been so incredibly hurt, wounded, abused... It can't simply just not take more. 

Monday, August 3, 2015

Break Free


Have you ever felt like you can't fully express yourself? You know, that feeling of trying to hide who you truly are because those around you wouldn't understand... I'm at a point in my life where I truly want to express myself but due to my surroundings (people, places, situations) I feel imprisoned. One reading here, one burning of incense there... it just won't do. I need more. I need to breathe what I feel. I need to live what I believe and I need to finally break free.

Society is like a never ending parent who will not let you be who you truly want to be and will always remind you of how you're doing things "wrong". I know I'm old enough to just say "fuck it" but there's still this sense of disappointing someone that makes me feel guilty of even trying to practice my beliefs. I often find myself pondering... "What if?" It's so incredibly exhausting to be someone else in front of certain people and in certain places just because of that fear of what they would say or think. It's just that feeling of time passing by and me getting older and more afraid that I might never be truly who I'm meant to be. 

Friday, July 3, 2015

The Human Element


Today I feel like talking about something that I'm usually not very good at, and that is making friends. Ever since I graduated high school, I've found it extremely difficult to connect with someone on a friendship level. Perhaps it's because I didn't even understand myself fully, perhaps it's because I pushed people away because they were just the total opposite of me. So, basically I think it just comes down to me not being able to fraternize with people with extremely opposite personalities/beliefs than mine and I know that it sounds kinda weird because not everyone is the same but I just never ever clicked that way with anyone. NO ONE. 

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Forever Stuck on "Repeat".


It seems to me like people have a very hard time grasping the concept of "That's not what I want" or "That's not how I think". I've found myself explaining certain decisions in my life that aren't really no one elses business anyway, but somehow people loooove to chime in when I haven't even asked for an opinion. I get that people tend to talk "from experience" and sometimes they just want you to see how it turned out for them but... Guess what? I'm a completely different person. Shocking, right? O.o

It's almost as if whatever I decide or however I think, is wrong, only because society (and they) think differently. It's extremely uncomfortable and annoying when I'm just stuck there in the middle of a conversation and I have to listen to what they're saying because it's what's "socially accepted". I've NEVER been one to conform with what society says or what it dictates. I've always been my own individual who follows my instincts even if they're wrong. IT'S OK!!! People don't understand that I'm OK with making mistakes and learning from them, it's part of life. So what if I wanna change careers a million times? So what if I still haven't figured out what I want yet? Who says I have to? Who cares? It's my life. Period. I will do what I feel like is right for me and go from there, so leave me the hell alone.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

The Open Door


Uneasy. A little scared but excited at the same time. That's how I feel right now. For the past few weeks I've been experiencing some weird things, situations if you will, and it's not only with me but with other people. Somehow I've found myself either telling stories that pertain to "paranormal" experiences or people have just been talking to me about their experiences and asking me tons of questions about what I "practice". I use the term "practice" loosely because I really haven't been doing anything in particular but I guess something in me or my persona irradiates some kind of vibe that people find... intriguing.

I've been having way more dreams than I usually do and these dreams have been kind of predictions. I see myself in a specific setting with a specific object or interacting in a specific way and it ends up happening a few days or weeks later and I'm not talking about trivial things like "I had a dream about eating ice cream" and then going out to eat ice cream, I'm talking about detailed accounts with very specific objects or situations that are rare to come by in everyday life.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Reconnecting at the Renaissance Fair


I recently had the opportunity to attend my very first Renaissance Fair and it was AMAZING! I had so much fun and there were so many things to do, see and experience that I was overwhelmed but the main reason why I'm writing this post is because I experienced something that I have been longing for a while. I, to put it simply, reconnected with my beliefs. 

As I walked through the vendors and all the people in costumes and character I saw many things underlying beneath the surface. I could smell the air and the musky, earthy aromas of the incenses and essential oils filled the place. There wasn't a place where you couldn't feel it. The vibe and energy were so great and I spotted many spiritual people there. The air was cool, it was kind of a gloomy day, which is my perfect kind of weather and I could feel the mist of the rain every once in a while. It was just a perfect day.

Monday, March 2, 2015



What goes around comes around...

When I decided to write about this topic today, I went through all my posts to see if I had talked about it before and, to my surprise, I hadn't, at least not how I'm gonna talk about it today. I really, really thought that I had talked about it before because this topic is one of the strongest of my beliefs, if not the strongest: Karma. Perhaps it was just waiting for the right time to make an appearance and believe me, no better time than this.

When I talk about "karma" I simply mean that whatever you put out into this world you will get back, for better or for worse. We all have that little black list of people that we sincerely dislike and we wish we would have never met but the matter of the fact is that they're part of this world and there's nothing we can do about it. Simply put, there has to be balance in the Universe and without bad people like this, we wouldn't have anything to measure the good people against because we wouldn't know what "good" truly meant. I guess you can call it the Yin Yang. No good without evil... but that's another topic.